What is real self-love? Has it become the next cliché?

Alright, my friends, let’s get a little raw and honest here about real self love. I have a little bone to pick with those throwing around self love like it’s the latest trendy word. “Your life sucks?” Go buy yourself some flowers and love yourself more. “Feeling overwhelmed?” Go take a bubble back and love yourself more. Has self love become one of the latest buzz words that takes care of all of your problems, similar to what I had previously wrote about meditation in this post?

A simple online search confirms my gripe about real self love!

I did a simple google search for practices of self love and these were some of the results that the search yielded:

  • Buy yourself fresh flowers.
  • Clean your house or apartment.
  • Organize your workspace and files.
  • Take time for rest and relaxation.
  • Wear red lipstick and heels just because it’s a Tuesday. (Yes…this was a real practice.)
  • Clean out your closet.

While I agree these are all great suggestions for reducing stress and having some relaxation, are they really self love practices? Can anyone provide me just one example of how any of the above would actually increase the love you have for yourself?

5 Real Self Love practices that actually lead to loving yourself

Are you ready to explore 5 real self love practices that actually lead to loving yourself? I don’t have the magic pill for you; however, these simple practices may provide you with your next steps of self discovery and permission to wholeheartedly love yourself.

1. Commitment to yourself each morning, every day.

First, let’s look at how you are starting the day. There are a million, okay maybe a thousand books on morning practices and how effective they are for changing the trajectory of your day. While I fully agree that a morning routine is vital for success, I would like offer one simple thing you can do for yourself each day to bring focus to yourself.

Before you take on the day, look in the mirror directly into your eyes and repeat “Today I choose to love and honor me.” I’ll admit, your ego may appear the first few times and ask you what the hell you are doing. Kindly remind ego, that you are worth it. As you commit to this each day, that little voice of unworthiness will get softer and quieter.

You’ve heard the phrase “eyes are the window to the soul?” I believe that as you commit to this practice, you will see the beauty and love of your soul. You will begin to look past the physical appearance of yourself and truly see the love that you are.

2. Setting Daily Intentions of Self Awareness

Second, take a moment each day to set at least one daily intention for self awareness. Examples could be:

❤️️Today I will be present. If I find myself worrying about the future or the past, I will, without judgment, center myself to the present moment.

❤️️Today I will be aware of my self talk. Lovingly guide yourself back to positive self talk in the moments you begin to talk negatively about yourself. 

❤️️Today I will focus on my strengths rather than my weaknesses.

The goal of these self awareness intentions is to become more mindful of how you are showing up for yourself each day. Additionally, it is important to not judge or shame yourself when you fall short of your intention.

3. Create a foundation of gratitude to create real self love

Next, let’s consider creating a foundation of gratitude. This isn’t simply writing what you are grateful for in your journal. While that may be part of your practice, the objective here is begin living from that space of gratitude. This concept is explored in greater depth in the free 30 Day Self Love Commitment.

Just like the foundation in your home, gratitude serves to give you the stability to weather the storms of life. When we are experiencing trials or lessons, it is important to hold on to our foundation of gratitude to maintain the peace within ourselves. Oftentimes, we tend to shame ourselves for our choices and experiences in our lives. When we create this foundation of gratitude, we are able to appreciate ourselves more and the shame subsides.
Take a few minutes every single day to feel into the gratitude you have for your life. Focus on all of the amazingness that you have created and explore the beauty that exists around you through all of your senses. Life can be magical if we allow ourselves to live from this space. 

4. Question the possibilities

Continuing on to our next suggestion on creating real self love, let’s look at exploring life through possibilities rather than impossibilities.

I’m open for possibilities. I’m open for choices. I always welcome new ideas. I’m always eager to learn. I’m never going to close my mind from learning.
~Cesar Millan

Now, how is this related to self love? As you begin to explore all that you are capable of, you will realize that your potential is limitless and therefore YOU are limitless. Possibilities are endless if we choose to see them that way. Conversely, when we see life through what is impossible, we begin to doubt and shame ourselves. 

Therefore, when you get into a space of self-doubt, choose to question the possibilities. Ask yourself, “what is possible?” and choose to take the next steps towards creating that.

5. When do you apologize for being yourself?

Finally, let’s reflect on when you apologize for being yourself. The parts of yourself that you are hiding from the world are the ones that deserve to be known. May I repeat? The parts of yourself that you are hiding from the world are the ones that deserve to be known.

Take a few minutes to reflect on when you apologize for being yourself. Maybe you apologize for being too outspoken. How about the apologies for taking up space? “Oh I’m sorry, was I in your way?” Or, have you apologized for being too loud, too sensitive, too emotional, too ::insert your thing here::? Check out this short podcast that explains this concept so well.

Trust me, I’ve apologized way too many times for myself; however, as I learned to shed light on those parts of me, I realized that they are my greatest gifts and deserve to be shared.

Take time to notice your “too much’s.” Stop apologizing and begin embracing these gifts of yours.

Final thoughts on real self love

I’ve said this before, self-discovery is a personal journey and one that you will experience your entire life. It is highly unlikely that you will wake up one day and have it all figured out. The 5 tips that I shared here are simple action steps of real self love that you can embrace. As previously stated, there isn’t a magic pill that you can take to erase the years of pain and shame that you are overcoming, but you can take daily steps. And please, be gentle on yourself. 
In conclusion, take your bubble bath if you’re wanting to decompress. While you are relaxing, take time to reflect on what real self love means to you. Sure, buy yourself some flowers, but be aware of the beauty of the flower and take note of the beauty that exists within you. Be patient and be kind to yourself. That, my friend, is real self love. 

Did this resonate with you?

I don’t have the answers for you; however, I do have a 30 day self love commitment where you can rediscover parts of you that you may have neglected. It’s free and available to you today! My invitation to you is take on this commitment for yourself. You are worth all the love that you already are, but there is commitment involved in the beginning. Once you create the habit of awareness, the layers will continue to unravel and you will rediscover the pure essence of who you are at the core of your being.

What tips do you have for real self love? Share them here!